Appearances
by Andrea Jacobs
Summary: It all starts with a Harry's abused thingy, but it will continue to something else. Harry's seventh year at Hogwarts. Slash SnapeHarry
1. Part 1

_Hey... I started a new fiction a while ago, involving Snape and Harry... I've written around around ten pages thus far, but I'm not sure if I'm going to continue... So do you want me to continue? Please rate and review. _

_By the way, I know this sounds like a Harry's abused story, but that's just the beginning I assure you, personally I prefer the confident Harry, but I love it when Snape cares... _

_I am not going to write the story in chapters, as I'm rather tired of dividing it into chapters. Instead, I'll divide it into parts, the length will vary, although I guess each part will be at least two pages._

_Andrea xxx_

**Everything isn't what it seems like**

The dinner at Hogwarts was probably one of the loudest dinners in the world. As this was the first day of term, everyone was happy to see their friends again. The feast was brilliant as always, to the students' pleasure.

The Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, greeted the students with an eloquent speech and then introduced the new teacher of Defence against the Dark Arts, Kate Melody. The pupils were then told that the feast could begin.

"So Harry, tell us what you've been up to all summer! We've missed you, you know." A pretty, brown-haired seventh year girl, called Hermione Granger, asked her friend.

"I have just been relaxing; the Dursleys were actually really nice for a change." The boy next to Hermione, called Harry Potter, mumbled quietly. His shoulders were hanging and he was just poking in the food, barely eating anything at all.

"Really? Mate, that's fantastic!" Ronald Weasley, the red-haired boy on Harry's other side, replied cheerfully.

"Yeah, I suppose it is…" Harry said expressionlessly. "Sorry mates but I have to go send a letter to someone. See you later." He grimaced as he rose, apparently he hit a bruise. The second he got out of the Great Hall, he breathed out, relieved that no one had asked more specific questions about his summer.

The owlery was cold as usual, because the windows were open for the owls. The boy down on his usual place, in a window frame which was hidden from the rest of the room.

He didn't know how long he sat there, the only sign that it was getting later and later was the moon outside. The boy's arms grabbed his legs and pulled his thin body, trying to make some warmth. His head fell down on his knees and he pushed the world outside. Therefore he didn't notice the person entering the room.

"Potter, you are out after curfew." Professor Severus Snape sneered, approaching the boy.

Harry flinched and one of his shoulders hit the wall behind him which made him close his eyes in pain. "I'm sorry Sir, what's time?" He asked when he had regained some energy.

"Half past one. You should have been in bed three hours ago. 20 points from Gryffindor and detention with me tomorrow, at seven pm. Go to bed now."

"Yes, Sir." Harry rose, trying his best to walk normally although it hurt as hell.

"Good night, Potter." Severus muttered and watched bewildered how the thin student exited the room, walking very stiffly.

"Harry, where were you yesterday? You never turned up!" Ron exclaimed as he woke up.

"I…umm… I was taking a walk. I just forgot about the time." Harry got out of bed and hurried to the showers, hoping they were empty. The last he wanted was someone seeing him naked. He knew how they would all react. They would all say he looked disgusting and then they'd run away. Quickly he showered and got dressed before anyone would come.

Harry watched the day pass, with himself in it, although he didn't really feel like he was a part of it. Instead he felt like a ghost, who was watching over the world. The NEWTs lessons were way harder than anything else he had been through, so he tried to concentrate but found he was too distracted to focus. Even Potions was a total blur. He didn't even notice that Professor Snape was watching him more carefully than normal. Harry tried his best to move gracefully but found it hard as his entire body was aching.

"Severus is it just me or is Mr Potter not eating anything at all? He barely touched his food either yesterday or today." Albus Dumbledore said to the teacher in front of him.

"You are right, Sir." Severus admitted and looked at the headmaster questioningly.

"He is thinner than usual and he is alone all the time. I spoke to Minerva and she confirmed that he sat all by himself in her class today. It is just that this behaviour is so unlike him. What is even stranger is that when I sent him a letter, in the middle of the summer, asking if he wanted to visit the Weasleys, he turned me down." The headmaster explained.

"I understand, Sir, but what has this got to do with me?" He asked impatiently.

"You have got a detention with him in thirty minutes; maybe you could talk to him. Invite him for tea after he has served his detention, show some kindness for once. He deserves it."

"Albus, why on earth does that brat…" Severus began but was interrupted.

"Please, Severus. Show him that he can trust you. Harry is not James, remember that."

When time was approaching seven, Harry walked down to the dungeons, ready to serve his detention with Professor Snape. He opened the door to the classroom to find Professor Snape at his desk, staring at him.

"Potter." Severus nodded to the boy in front of him.

"Good evening, professor." Harry greeted quietly and looked down on his feet.

"You're going to restore the recipes in the shelf over there. Alphabetical order."

"Yes, Sir." He said and walked over to the shelf.

Three quarters later, Harry was finished and he turned to the professor again.

"I am finished, Sir. What more shall I do?"

"Your detention is over, although I want you to stay because I have some matters to discuss with you. This way." Severus told him and walked through a door Harry had never seen, leading them into a small room with two couches and a small table in the middle of them. There were a couple of paintings on the dark walls and some lights on the ceiling.

"Sit down." Severus said, trying not to sound to stern. "Care for some tea?" He offered.  
"No, thank you." Harry rejected politely and sat down on the couch opposite to Severus'.

"Potter, I want to tell you something, but you have to keep it to yourself. Are we agreed?" He looked harshly at the boy whose face was almost frightened.

"Yes, Sir." The young man did his best to avoid all contact between his back and the coach.

"When I was your age, my mother died." The professor began speaking very softly. "Everything in my life turned upside down, I even tried to kill myself. I have always despised my father, mostly because of his ideas about how the wizard world should be like. My mother was the one who took care of me; I barely had any friends, as I suppose you already know after you looked into my pensieve. Those who did not despise me were afraid of me because I am homosexual. I tried to kill myself because I thought I had nothing left in this world." He paused to breathe. "I made a potion which was supposed to kill me. When I drank it, I was weeping. What I did not know back then is that tears neutralise that potion. If I would have been ready to die that day, I would not have wept. Voldemort found out about my suicide attempt and he offered me something I thought was better. One year later, I joined him. On my first meeting, I killed a young woman. She had recently given birth to a child, who was dying in front of my eyes. That made me realise that I was wrong from the beginning. I began as a spy for Albus two months later. I think you know the rest." He finished talking and looked at Harry as he ran a hand through his silky, black hair. "You realise I would not have told you this if I did not trust you?"

"Yes, Sir. But why did you tell me this?" Harry asked quietly.

"Because I need you to trust me. I have seen that you are not eating at all, you are not with your friends, nor do you show any interest in anything. I know when I see a broken soul. Now, would you tell me what has happened to you during your summer?" To Severus' amazement, Harry started trembling.

"He told me not to tell anyone." Harry whispered.

"Who is 'he'?" Severus asked calmly.

"No, I'm not allowed to tell you." He refused.

"He can not do anything to you anymore. I will make sure that you will never return to that house again. Now tell me." The man demanded.

"N-no." Harry stuttered.

"Would you rather tell someone else? That could be arranged." Severus offered.

"No, please… Just let me go, okay?"

"I am not going to force you to stay here. You may leave, but I expect you here tomorrow evening at seven. Good night, Mr Potter." He said nonchalantly.

"Thank you, Sir. Good night." The young man nodded to his professor before he left.


	2. Part 2

Hello there. Thank you so much for the reviews!  Here comes the next part. After this part, the story will fast forward a couple of weeks, when Harry's got back some of his confidence…

Oh, and I'm sorry if there's any grammar faults, as I am just 15 and I'm Swedish.

Also, I'll try to remember to put up warnings for chapters that are not suitable for young people.

By the way, do you say "Damn him" or "Damn he"? I didn't really figure that out… :P

Rate and review please,

See you xxx

The following day passed by without any major occurrences. Once more, Severus watched Harry not-eat. It disturbed him that the boy wouldn't tell him why.

When the clock turned seven, Severus was waiting in the same room as yesterday and a couple of minutes later, Harry arrived, looking even more tired than yesterday.

"Good evening, Mr Potter."

"Good evening, Sir." Harry replied politely.

To Harry's surprise, Severus moved to the other couch, where Harry sat, and sat down next to the boy.

"Will you tell me?" The man asked softly.

"I… I can't!" Harry looked away.

Severus raised his hand a bit, eyeing Harry's reaction carefully. To his expectations, Harry flinched and moved a bit further from Severus. The professor put his hand on Harry's shoulder, feeling the boy tense under his touch.

"Who made you act like this?" Severus whispered.

"My uncle." The boy replied quietly.  
"He abused you physically?"

"Please… don't force me to tell you…" Harry begged.

_I was right about that. He's telling more than he thinks he is_,Severus thought.

"How often?"

"When he was drunk… At least twice a week…" Tears were falling from his eyes. "It doesn't matter. I don't need you too, to tell me I'm not worth anything."

_Verbal abuse too. Please don't say it's more._

Severus took a deep breath. "Sexually?"  
Harry looked away in shame and let out a small gasp as his back ached. "Once." He whispered and refused to meet his professor's glance.

_Damn it, this is more emotions than I can handle._  
"You are undernourished too." The older man stated. "When was the last time he beat you?"

"The day before I got here…" Came the answer reluctantly.

"Poppy needs to check on you. It is obvious that your body aches."

"NO! Please, no. I don't want anyone to know." Harry objected loudly.

"May I do it then?" Severus asked impatiently.

"Yes." The answer came immediately.

"I need you to take off your clothes. Can you do that or do you want me to use my wand?"

"It'd be easier if you do it." Harry blushed lightly.

"Very well then." Severus swung his wand and Harry's clothes landed in a neat pile on the floor. "Lay down on your stomach." He mumbled something and his wand started glowing as he let it caress Harry's spine and legs. "Your back is remarkably bruised and so is your bottom." Severus said seriously.

_Hell, this isn't anything that I am supposed to do._

To Severus' amazement, Harry showed no sign of embarrassment, although he was naked in front of a teacher.

"Turn around." Severus mumbled. He searched for any sign of displeasure in Harry's eyes, but found none. Instead, the boy looked at him in a mixture of fear and curiosity.

Harry flinched as the wand moved over the left side of his waist. He tried to hide his reaction from Severus, but he should have known that the professor would notice anyway.

"Potter…" The professor muttered. "Your ankles, your genitals, your waist and your torso are hurt badly. If you want, I can apply a lotion, on the worst bruises, that will help in the progress of mending your injuries. For best results, you would need someone to apply the lotion every night. I will also give you a nourishment potion, because you are undernourished." Severus said. Seeing the boy like this had been an eye-opener for him. Obviously he wasn't his father's son.

"Err… okay…" Harry whispered softly. "But… err… there's one thing that I don't understand, Sir. Why are you helping me? You hate me…" The boy looked at his teacher with nothing but sheer vulnerability in his eyes.

"Because you are in a need of help." The man answered simply. He exited the room and returned a few moments later with a small jar. "I'll apply this on your ankles and your waist. Tell me if it hurts." Severus explained patiently. He opened the jar and took some lotion on his hands and smeared it into the student's ankles.

At first, Harry flinched under Severus' touch, but it didn't take long until he realised that he wasn't going to get hurt.

"It aches..." He managed to say.

"I would assume so." The older man replied. "It will hurt for a minute or two." He put some more lotion on his fingers and moved his hands to the boy's unnaturally thin waist. The professor was shocked how thin the boy was, but he didn't display it.

When Harry felt Severus' hands on his waist he tried to pull away but Severus had his waist in a firm grip.

"Look at me Potter." The professor demanded and let go of Harry's body. He waited until he had eye-contact with his student. "I know you have been through a lot and the way you react when I touch you is understandable due to your treatment." He put a hand on Harry's torso and let it slide over the boy's chest. "Have you been treated so badly you do not even recognise a gentle touch anymore? Do you think I am going to hurt you?" He whispered.

The student's eyes went teary and the professor realised he had to be kinder.

"You have you allow me to help you. You know that I am not going to hurt you." Severus put some more lotion on his hands and massaged it into the boy's waist, more carefully this time.

"Turn around." The professor ordered and watched his student oblige.

Ten minutes later, Severus was done and he put away the jar. When he returned he watched Harry getting dressed.

"Thank you, Sir. Good night." Harry said quietly when he was finished.

"Good night, Mr Potter." The professor answered sternly.

When Harry woke up the next day, he felt much better than the day before. His bruises didn't hurt half as much as they did before, although they still ached when he sat and walked.

As the following day, he walked around all by himself, avoiding his friends' questions and glances. All he wanted was the day to come to an end.

During the lunch, he noticed his potions professor eyeing him and although he never caught his eyes, he knew he was watched. Also, he knew exactly what his professor wanted him to do – eat. He tried but as he stuffed a tiny bit of a potato into his mouth, he was ready to vomit.

Carefully avoiding looking at the Head table, he rose and walked out of the room.

Just as he got out of the great hall, a note arrived in front of him, levitating in the air. He quickly grabbed it before anyone noticed and read it as he walked to the next lesson.

_Mr Potter,_

_Your presence is required in my office. _

_Professor Snape_

_Damn he_, Harry thought angrily. _Why can't he just leave me alone?_ Despite his thoughts, he knew that deep inside he appreciated that someone cared, for once. He moaned slightly when his thoughts were interrupted by a voice.

"Hey, Harry! There you are." Hermione smiled at him and walked up to him.

"Hi." Harry replied silently.

"How are you? I've barely seen you all day. Why are you avoiding us?" She asked concerned.

"Oh… I've just been studying, you know, I paid interest to the classes for once." He lied.

"That's great, Harry. Really!" She exclaimed beaming at him. "Maybe you could try to talk some of that sense into Ron?"

"Nah… doubt he would listen." He faked a laugh.

"Well, I guess you're right. Umm, I need to go to the library, you coming?"

"Sorry, I can't, I need to see one of the teachers. See you later." Harry explained and spun on his heels, walking down to the dungeons.


	3. Part 3

_**Thank you so much for the reviews! Here comes the next part.. ) Please rate and review.**_

_**I have not finished another chapter for Our love is the real thing yet, although I might do it in the future. It's just that I don't have much time, and I prefer writing fanfictions that's funny to write. **_

**_Oh, and I'm sorry I said that the confident Harry would enter this part, I mean the next one. I wasn't sure how I would divide the story when I wrote that..._**

_**xxx**_

The dungeons were quite full of people and Harry avoided looking at them as he walked through the corridor. Along his way, he heard some people whisper words about him, especially when they realised that he was on his way to their Potions Master's office. Harry only managed to distinguish a couple of words like "trouble", "been up to" and "poor guy."

Just the second after he knocked at the door, it was opened.

"Come in and close the door." Severus muttered and sat down on a chair behind his desk. As Harry closed the door, he cast a couple of locking spells on it, to make sure no one would enter or listen to their conversation. "Sit down." He ordered. "Are you feeling better today?" Severus eyed Harry carefully from top to toe.

"Yeah, I guess. The bruises don't hurt as much as they did." Harry answered lightly.

"Good to hear. Mr Potter, I believe there are some things that still need to be cleared up, will you allow me to ask you a couple of questions?" Severus smirked.

"Yes, Sir." Harry mumbled knowing all too well that Severus wouldn't take a rejection.

"Very well then. Has this, let's say mistreatment, occurred every summer?"

"I don't…" Harry began but Severus' eyes told him that he had to tell. "Fine!" He muttered angrily. "Yes, it has, although it never used to be as this summer. Happy to hear that, aren't you?" He spat out.

"Don't be silly, Potter." Severus hissed at him. "I do not fancy any kind of sadism. Did the rest of your family participate in the abuse?" The teacher asked.

"No. Dudley might kick me once in a while but that's pretty much it." Harry muttered and looked at the, suddenly so interesting, floor.

Severus glanced at the boy expressionlessly. This wasn't progressing the way he wanted. He knew the boy would turn away from him soon if didn't do something.

"How many meals did you get each day?" His stern voice was replaced with a much softer.

"Mostly one. Sometimes two and sometimes none." Harry's voice was bitter.

Severus considered if he was going to ask the next question or not, but he decided he needed to know. "Were you a virgin when your uncle raped you?" He looked into the boys eyes and it seemed as though he lifted Harry's eyes from the floor.

"I…What I…I…yes." Harry admitted and blushed fiercely.

"Did the Dursleys ever tend to your wounds?" Severus couldn't help but smile inside when he saw the boy blush so cutely.

The answer was immediate. "No."

Severus knew the answers were honest, mostly because he knew the student was such a bad liar. He decided this would suffice as he noticed the boy was close to a breakdown. In fact, the boy's reactions affected him as well, more than he wanted to admit.

"Do you want me to apply the lotion on you?" The older man offered, trying to clean his conscience for putting the student in this situation.

"No." Harry cut him off. "Why did you ask all this? I wanted to put it behind me for Christ's sake! This is not something that I wish to discuss." He yelled. "You happy now? Enjoying the new information? Do you realise that I'm not the perfect boy-who-lived after all? That I'm not raised in luxury? For fuck's sake, I was mistreated ever since I was placed in their care. They hate me, even detest me. They never spent a single penny on me unless it was absolutely necessary. To them, I'm a freak." Harry's voice trembled and he looked away as he began sobbing. "Why do you give a damn about me? You hate me; you despise me like everyone else. And those who don't, they admire me or pity me. I don't want to be admired or pitied. I don't wanna be the bloody boy-who-lived! Why do you care if Uncle Vernon raped me or not? If I was a virgin before it h…" Tears were rolling along Harry's cheeks.

"For Merlin's sake. Stop it, Potter!" Severus bellowed. Merlin, he couldn't handle this kind of emotions. He made up his mind and walked over to the boy.

"Don't touch me!" Harry protested between the sobs.

Severus scooped up Harry in his arms and held him tightly. He was astonished of how little the boy weighed.

"Quiet…" The older man whispered and opened a door which led into the room where they had been the day before. He sat down in a couch and pulled the boy tight to himself, just like he had seen Molly Weasley do with her children when they were upset. God, this felt clumsy. He placed Harry next to him instead and caressed the boy's back. Slowly Harry started to go back to normal and he looked surprised at Severus.

"Do not push everyone away, silly boy." Severus muttered and smirked. "I have classes to teach now; I believe yours is one of them." He sighed and looked at the boy.

"Could you excuse me from today's classes please?" Somehow Harry felt that Severus wouldn't turn him down.

"Why do you want me to?" Severus gave Harry a stern look.

"I don't feel like I can handle it today. I'm not that good an actor." He blushed.

"You definitely are not." The professor said as a matter of fact. "What are you going to do then?" He grabbed a piece of parchment from his pocket and began to write.

_Mr Potter is having a slight wave of nausea. I will therefore exclude him from today's classes. S.S._

Severus waved his wand and the parchment disappeared. "I sent a note to the Headmaster. You have to remain here or otherwise you'll have to pretend ill in front of Madam Pomfrey and that is not a wise idea, Mr Potter."

"Thank you." Harry said softly and looked into his teacher's eyes.

Severus nodded at him and made his way out of the room when a piece of parchment appeared in front of him.

_Severus, _

_Thank you for informing me. Why don't you take the afternoon off as well? I am confident it will do you good; you have been working so hard all summer. _

_Albus_

_P.S. I took the liberty of informing your students that your classes are cancelled._

"Damn that man!" Severus hissed and turned to face Harry.

"What's up?" The boy asked curiously.

"None of your business, Potter." He snapped. "It seems as though I will spend my afternoon with you."  
Harry sent his professor a small smile which was not returned.

"I hope you are aware that we will have to sue your uncle?" Severus said and gracefully walked towards Harry and sat down in the couch.

Harry's face turned white and he shivered. "N-no. You can't mean that, you just can't." His voice was trembling.

"Do you wish for anyone else to be treated the way you were?"

"Of course not!" Harry protested.

"Good. The only way to secure that is to put him in prison." Merlin, he wasn't supposed to feel bad about this conversation, but yet he was.

"Do I have to witness?" The boy whispered.

"I would think so." Severus replied expressionlessly.

"Have you told the Headmaster?"  
"No, you did not give me permission to. What kind of man do you take me for?" He raised an eyebrow and looked amused at the boy.

"I'm sorry." Harry flushed.

"Allow me to apply the lotion on you." Severus pulled out a tiny jar from his cloak, mumbled something and the jar grew into normal size.

Harry began to strip and Severus waited patiently. Once again, he was surprised at Harry's body. Despite the rest of Harry's body, his legs looked perfectly normal.

Just as the day before, Harry tensed remarkably when Severus' hands touched him. Slowly Severus massaged the lotion into Harry's body. There was more affection into his movements than the day before.

Harry closed his eyes and enjoyed the new feeling of a gentle touch. He thought the treatment lasted way too short when Severus finished ten minutes later. Severus swung his wand and Harry was dressed again.

"Thanks…" Harry said quietly.

"Oh my, Harry Potter thanks his hated potions professor. The world has gone mad." Severus muttered sarcastically and ignored that Harry was looking honestly at him.

"You know I meant it…"

Severus just raised his eyebrows at the boy. "Well, no matter what Mr Albus 'smiling' Dumbledore says, I am not going to cancel my classes." The man muttered under his breath as he transfigured a small piece of parchment and a quill out of the air. Quite quickly, he wrote down a few sentences, and then mumbled a couple of words and the paper vanished.

"Let me guess… A note to your students, right?" Harry suggested.

"Although it is really none of your concern, Mr Potter, the answer is yes. I expect you will receive your note in a few minutes." He sank down on the couch.

"Oh, I was I wouldn't have to do it. As to my condition…" Harry mumbled but was interrupted by his teacher.

"Your state has got nothing to do with your studies, Mr Potter. How typical, Harry Potter expects to be treated like a royal. Harry Saint Potter." Severus spat sarcastically.

Despite Severus' face, Harry could have sworn that there was some affection in the last three words.

"Do you know of all the rumours that go around between the students?" Harry asked all of a sudden.

"Naturally I do. I find the ones regarding me most amusing as they are always so far from the truth. The one I like the most is the one about me being a vampire who is married to Sibyl Trelawney." He smirked.

"No one takes that one seriously. All the girls love your image, you know. I heard them say something like 'tall, dark and fit'." Harry smothered a laugh.

"So I have heard." Severus replied nonchalantly. "I am going to order some lunch, would you like some?"  
"No, thank you." Harry avoided his teacher's eyes.

"That was not a question, Mr Potter."

"I know." Harry smiled weakly and earned a stern glance from the professor.


	4. Part 4

_**Thank you so much for the reviews! This is how far I've written this far, but I'm working on the next part, it's just that I'm rather busy these days. I'll try to post the next part soon, but don't expect anything.**_

**_Oh, and thanks to those of you who corrected me with the "Damn him" thingy. _**

_**Please rate and review!**_

_**xxxxxx**_

The weeks passed by and Harry spent more and more time in Severus' company. The man did not pity him, which Harry found very relieving.

Despite his will, Severus was growing rather fond of the boy. Severus even found the boy to be capable of deep conversations.

As Harry came to be a lot for confident, he began eating quite normally, to Severus' relief.

It was a foggy Saturday in November when Harry entered the dungeons to see Severus. As usual, he would find Severus in the room next to his classroom.

"Good afternoon, Mr Potter." Severus greeted the boy.

"Hello, Sir. How are you?"

A stranger would probably have wondered why they were not on first name basis, as they seemed perfectly comfortable with each other's company.

"I am feeling rather well, thank you."

"Glad to hear that, Professor." Harry nodded.

"I have come to decide that you shall be granted access to my quarters. I am growing quite tired of waiting for you in the other room. You will only be granted access to my living room and to my library. The password is 'Serena' and the entrance is through the sofa you're sitting in. Please stand up." Severus rose and watched Harry do the same. He pointed his wand at the couch and suddenly it was transformed into a staircase leading them to the floor below.

Harry's eyes widened as he descended the stairs. The room he entered was large and cosy, with a lot of chairs and four couches. In the far end of the room, there was an opening, two doors big, which led into another huge room that Harry assumed to be the library. The living room was decorated classically, with lots of mahogany details and deep blue curtains. There were paintings all over the room, most of the portraits. The only lights in the room, was silver candelabras along the walls.

"It's beautiful. Really. I didn't expect your rooms to look like this." Harry smiled and sat down on a couch.

"It seems as though you connect me with anything but deep blue. I will oversee it this time but do not be certain I will do it the next time." Severus sneered. "Coffee?"

"Yes, please."

Severus opened a cupboard and brought a cup of hot coffee out of it. He placed the cup in front of Harry, together with a small jar of milk. For himself, he poured a glass of brandy.

"I am afraid I do not have any sugar, as I have always thought it to be unnecessary." Severus apologized and sipped on his brandy. He sat down in the sofa opposite to Harry's.

"Couldn't agree more. You drink your coffee black, don't you?" Harry grinned.

"Yes."

"That's you after all."

"What exactly do you mean by that?" The man raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, nothing. Just that you're not such a colourful person, although I have to admit that your personality is rather colourful."

"Indeed." Severus' snorted.

All of a sudden, Harry started laughing.

"What's so amusing?" He asked bewilderedly.

"You." Harry managed to say between the roars of laughter.

"Of course." Severus couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of Harry. When Harry had regained control of himself, Severus spoke again. "This is the first time I have witnessed you laugh since last spring."

"That's not true. I've laughed quite a lot, in my opinion."

The man just raised an eyebrow. "I can tell the difference between a faked laugh and a real one. Do not insult my intelligence. You seem rather relaxed." He remarked.

"Well, I…yes, I'm relaxed. I enjoy your company." Harry blushed. "You're not like everyone else. Firstly, you don't pity me or admire me. Secondly, you understand. You can just sit next to me and do nothing. Well, you made me eat again. You're the only one who understands me when I talk about Voldemort. You know what he's capable of; you've faced him as well. And, you know what I've been through this summer. And even though you know about it, you don't treat me like some kind of fragile glass bottle." Harry paused to take a deep breath before he continued. "You're not afraid of physical contact; you didn't even seem disgusted when you looked at me in the beginning of the term. Even though I was disgusted myself. And, you don't treat me like the boy who lived, you treat me like Harry."

"That was a rather long explanation. If you want to be treated like a glass bottle, you could always tell me." He sneered.

"You've got humour? Whoa."

"Of course I do." The teacher snapped.

"It's okay, your secret's safe with me. I won't tell anyone." Harry teased.

"How are your studies proceeding?" Severus asked, switching subjects. "I can tell you have been working late nights. You should not waste your time on me."

"Quite well. I haven't been working _that_ late. I've just been putting more effort into my studies lately. I've actually been putting more effort into pretty much everything."

"Do not overwork yourself, Mr Potter." The man warned. "What about your friends, Weasley and Granger? Are you still not talking to them?"

"Well, they wouldn't understand…" Harry looked away.

"Have you tried?" Severus said in a low voice.

"Err…not entirely but…well Ron's reactions don't tend to be, umm, calm. And I don't want them to know…what happened. They'd just pity me and…" He blushed.

"It is up to you whether you want to keep your friendships. It is just that, if I had had such good friends when I was your age, I would have done everything in my power to keep them. Friendship is one of the most valuable powers a man can have." Severus whispered, clearly thinking about old memories.

"I know, but, well…I'll think about it." Harry felt uncomfortable with this situation. He knew that his professor was right, but it was one thing to say and another to do.

"Sit down next to me, Potter." Severus ordered.

"Why?" The boy protested.

"Because I tell you to, silly boy." He smirked scornfully.

With his eyebrows raised questioningly, Harry sat down next to Severus.

"Now what?" Harry asked impatiently.

Severus shifted position and put his hands on the boy's shoulders. He let his hands caress the boy's arms and back, a few times. A few moments later, he gracefully unbuttoned Harry's cloak with his long fingers and allowed it to fall down on the floor. His fingers played along Harry's back, paying extra attention to parts which seemed to ache. After some time, he lifted his hands from Harry's body.

Without thinking, Harry embraced his teacher. It was the first time in ages he had body contact with anyone, he could feel his own body longing to be held. Some moments later, he broke free with a million thoughts in his head. His professor was startled but eventually he got around it and roughly pushed Harry away.

Severus opened his mouth to say something but Harry held up a hand to stop him.

"You don't have to say anything." The boy told him. "I'm sorry…"

"Very well, then." Severus said expressionlessly. "I think you better be off to study. If there's some book you would like to use for your studies, you may use my library."

"Thank you." Harry said softly. Inside he smiled at the invitation he had just received. He knew the 'borrowing books thingy' was just his professor's way to say you're welcome. What he also knew was that he wasn't really being sent to study; he could tell Severus needed some time to think. "Would you…mind if I came down when I've finished my homework."

"That would not be appropriate." Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Well…maybe not." Harry blushed fiercely. Still, he noticed that the man hadn't responded to his question.

"Good night, Mr Potter." The man nodded at the boy and rose.

"Good night, _professor_." Harry mumbled with emphasis on the last word.


	5. Part 5

Hey there how r u guys? Here comes next part… oh n if there's anyone who would like to be my beta reader id be terribly grateful… are there lots of faults in my story?

Thank u for your reviews everyone! So nice of u…

Take care see ya

xxx

Time was twenty minutes past one in the morning, when Harry had finally finished his homework. For once, he actually felt content about it. He had spent some extra time on his potions essay, as he knew the Potions master would never allow him to come and see him if he had not finished his homework.

Harry didn't really know why he wanted to see his Potions professor so badly, in the middle of the night. The only thing he knew was that he felt a strong longing for the man. He didn't realise then what that meant.

As the common room was empty, he left without anyone noticing. The moment he got outside the Gryffindor tower, he pulled the invisibility cloak tight around him, not wanting to be caught by Filch. He almost ran down to the dungeons, his feet shivering of the cool night air. Some moments later, he entered his professor's private quarters. To his surprise, he found Severus in his living room, reading some thick book. The immediate second that Harry stepped down the stairs, Severus looked up.

"What, pray tell, are you doing here at this time of the night?" Severus snapped and shut the book. He leaned forward a bit and looked questioningly at Harry.

"May I come in?" Harry asked politely and ignored the question he was just asked.

"You would even if I told you not to, so there is really no point in answering that question."

"You already did." The younger man smiled.

"What do you want?" Severus asked defensively.

"I just wanted to see you." He sat down on the floor. "I thought you'd be in bed."

"My body does not demand the same amount of sleep that your body does. You should have been asleep hours ago." The older wizard stated sourly. A little more gently, he added: "It seems to me as though you are quite cold." He handed a blanket to Harry, who sat on the floor, leaning against a wall.

"May I ask you a very personal question, Sir?" Harry asked nervously.

"You may ask, although I may not answer."

"Do you like me in the way I like you?" The younger wizard blushed fiercely.

"I beg your pardon?" Severus was startled.

"I…well. I think I'm falling for you." Harry refused to meet the older man's eyes.

"Merlin, you do not think so, Mr Potter, do you? I am certain it is just a "silly school crush" as you students so eloquently put it." The man said indifferently.

"But I…"

"Stop hallucinating, Potter!" Severus warned.

"We're not even friends in your eyes?" The student asked quietly.

"Mr Potter, I am not in a suitable position to befriend anyone." He looked at the disappointed boy in front of him. "I do have to admit, though, that I do enjoy your company most of the time we spend together. But if you are after something different, then I will not oblige. I think it is time for you to leave now, Mr Potter. It is well past curfew. I do not want you to get into trouble because of me." He sighed. "I don't deserve that."

Harry smiled weakly and got up on his bare feet. "I'm sure you do."

"Foolish boy, walking down here with bare feet." Severus waved his wand and the moment later, Harry was wearing socks. He patted Harry on the shoulder and tried to ignore the warmth he felt when they touched. "Good night, Mr Potter."

"Good night." Harry whispered back and made his way up to his dormitory.

When Harry entered his dormitory he found Ron, sitting on his bed, entirely awake even though time was well past 2 a.m. The second Ron saw him, he stood up.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" Ron whispered and motioned for them to go down to the common room.

The black-haired boy wasn't in a mood for arguing and obliged therefore immediately. The two boys sat down in the coach, right before the big fireplace. Even though they had been the closest of friends, there was now an uncomfortable silence. Ron was the first to break the silence.

"Harry, look, I know I haven't been the best of friends lately and I know we've been falling apart but I just…" Ron took a deep breath. "I really don't wanna lose your friendship." He let his words sink in and then continued. "I can tell something has happened to you, I knew it the second we met after summer. You were different. I figured you would tell me in time, but instead you went hiding. You disappear in the evenings all the time, without telling anyone, like you didn't think there was anyone here who'd care if you were gone or not. I just wanted to tell you that we've been worried…me and Hermione." He turned to meet Harry's eyes.

"Ron…I'm sorry, I really am." Harry said nervously and looked down. "You were right, something did happen to me. Can I tell you something and you'll promise not to interrupt me or tell anyone else about it? Not even Hermione, I'll tell her in time."

"Sure, mate. Go on." Ron nodded.

"Well, you remember I told you that my uncle treated me well? Well, that's as far from the truth I can get. I…err…I don't know how to say this, you know... My uncle umm…he abused me physically. And…oh for fuck's sake I don't know how to say this…he raped me. Once. I was ashamed…I still am…" Harry turned to look at Ron's disgusted reaction but he was surprise when he found that Ron only looked at him in compassion. "He changed me. I'm not the boy I was before this summer. I don't even know what I am anymore." He started sobbing quietly. "When I got back here, I felt like I couldn't be one of you guys again. I just wanted to die. Then umm…Snape got me into a detention and he asked me to stay behind. And uh… he was nice. He is nice. He's the one who got me back on track; he's the one who made me start eating again. I've been seeing him quite a lot lately." Harry blushed slightly. "I suppose that's pretty much it."

"I'm sorry, mate. You know that?"

"Umm…yeah. Thanks."

"So…err… why is that greasy git nice to you?" Ron asked unbelievingly.

Harry felt his whole body tense in defence but he decided it was unwise to argue with his friend, now when they'd just befriended each other again. He decided to ignore the question.

"Well, I'm going to bed now…" Harry yawned.

Harry lay awake in his bed almost all night, reflecting over the day's happenings. He was surprised at Ron; he never expected something like this. In fact, he thought their entire talk was a bit surreal. But, after all, what do you expect to happen in the middle of the night that's not surreal?

He was a bit disappointed in his meeting with Severus. Not that he'd expected the man to share his feelings, but…well he'd expected something else. What he didn't know though, was that his professor was sharing his thoughts.


	6. Part 6

_Hi there! Thank you so much for your reviews, I really appreciate them! I'm sorry I haven't updated earlier, but I've got lots of school work these days. I'm going away to Switzerland on Saturday so it'll take me at least one and a half week until I update next time, please don't be too mad at me… _

_Umm, it would be nice to get some more uh… evaluating reviews. Please tell me what's good and what's bad so I'll improve. _

_See you! xxx_

Autumn turned into winter as the months passed by. It was already Christmas Eve. For Harry's first time ever, since he was eleven, he was not going to spend his holidays at Hogwarts. Instead, he would celebrate Christmas at the new headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. Most of the members of the order were going to be there, Severus included. It had taken Harry a month to convince Severus that he was wanted at Christmas.

When Severus had refused to acquaintance Harry in any other way that night a month ago, Harry had decided to move more slowly. He tried to spend as much time with him as possible, even though he had to work late nights to keep up with his school work. Slowly and carefully he noticed that his professor was opening up a bit, although not as much as Harry would have liked him to.

The new headquarters was located in a small suburban of London. The house was huge and there were a lot of bedrooms in case people had to stay overnight. Harry was happy they had chosen a new house as headquarters as he was not too fond of the idea of staying at Grimmauld place as it reminded him too much of Sirius.

The evening had fallen upon them and everyone was sitting at the kitchen table, having dinner. This far, only Harry, the Weasleys, Severus and Remus Lupin had arrived. Hermione was going to celebrate Christmas with her family, as she usually did. Albus would join them on Christmas Day together with some other members of the Order. S

"What do you wish for Christmas, Harry?" Ginny asked.

"Nothing really, maybe some Quidditch books." Harry answered.

"Oh, come on! There must be something you want, other than books!" Ginny exclaimed. "What about a girlfriend?" She added.

"Not really…" Harry said stiffly.

"A boyfriend then?" She teased.

Ron noticed Harry tense and decided to stop his sister. "How are things between you and Dean, Ginny? I heard some rumours abo…" He began but was interrupted.

"I am going to retire now. I am not particularly interesting in conversations concerning your love life, Miss Weasley." Severus said coolly and smirked. "Thank you for the dinner, Mrs Weasley. Good night." He turned on his heels and walked out of the room.

"That silly old git!" Ginny muttered.

Harry felt himself tense but decided not to say anything.

"Well, he's been worse, hasn't he?" Ron said.

"I'm tired; I think I'll go to be early. Good night everyone!" Harry rose and exited the room.

Harry didn't go to his own room; instead he knocked at Severus' door, which was in the same corridor as his own.

"Come in, Potter." Severus muttered and opened the door with his wand.

Harry shut the door after him and looked around in the room. Severus had moved in this very day and Harry had not seen his room yet. The room was rather large, with a big bed, a sofa, a desk, a wardrobe and a couple of chairs. Along one of the walls, there were three windows, all of them quite big.

"Have a seat." The older wizard said and motioned on one of the chairs. Harry obeyed.

"Young Mr Weasley seems rather protective of you." Severus commented.

"Well…I guess he is." Harry shrugged.

"You need to learn how to guard your body. It was rather obvious that you were uncomfortable when Miss Weasley questioned your sexuality." He sneered knowingly.

Harry blushed fiercely.

"You do not feel women appealing at all, do you?" Severus asked.

"It's not like you would care if I did, is it?" Harry almost snapped. Without knowing, he displayed his true feelings to Severus.

"No, of course not." The man replied, his voice sounding oddly rejected.

"Well, I bet you figured that out a long time ago." Harry sounded apologetic.

"Quite so." He rose. "I have to go now. Lucius Malfoy is going to throw a big party tonight."

"For all the death-eaters? You'll be careful, won't you?" The young man said worriedly.

"Yes. If I am not back in the morning, send an owl to Albus. He will know what to do."

The student nodded and felt his body tense. "I'll see you tomorrow then. Good luck." Harry composed all the courage he had and gave his professor a chaste kiss on the forehead. He then fled the room, not wanting to face an angry Severus Snape.

Harry couldn't sleep that night, out of concern for Severus. At 3.15 am he gave up sleeping and got out of the bed. He dressed quickly and decided to check on his professor.

To his displeasure, Severus had not returned yet. His room was dark and quiet. Harry shut the door quietly and curled up on the sofa, waiting.

Some time later Harry flinched when he heard the door was opening. He didn't know how long he'd been waiting but he noticed it was still dark outside.

Severus entered the room and shut the door. Only seconds later, his eyes fell on Harry. He frowned.

"What the hell are you doing here, Potter?" Severus hissed angrily. He was dressed in long black robes and his mask was hanging along his back.

"I just wanted…I just want… I just wanted to make sure you're all right." Harry stuttered nervously. His face displayed true anxiety.

Severus felt himself soften when he looked at the raven-haired boy. His face was so innocent, so pure. The man was actually touched that the boy seemed to care for him.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked softly.

"Yes." The professor assured him.

"What happened?"

"Mr Potter, I do not want to discuss these things with you. Let's just say that there was nothing I couldn't handle." Severus said stiffly.

"Are you hurt?"

"No." The professor snapped. "Don't look at me like that. I am fine, really." He added.

"I never said you weren't. It's just that you look a little uh… tense."

"Potter, time's 3.30 am and it's technically Christmas day. You should get some sleep. I am confident the Weasley clan wouldn't want you asleep by noon." Severus urged. He didn't have the guts to throw Harry out of his room.

"I don't care. They're nice people but I do… I don't know. It's just that they're a steady reminder of what I will never have." Harry got quiet for a while. "I've always wanted a family. But during the past year, I've finally realised that no one will ever be able to replace my parents. The Weasley's are just a steady reminder of what I don't have. I want someone to love me, but I don't want him to love me out of pity. I can't help but seeing the pity in Mrs Weasley's eyes when she looks at me." His voice was full of sorrow and longing.

"I know. Albus looks at me that way." Severus said before he could stop himself. "You should go to bed now, Mr Potter."

"Can't I stay here? I'll sleep in the couch. Please. I don't wanna be alone tonight."

"Fine." He realised that he could not reject Harry's wish. "I will read."

Severus sat down on the sofa and placed a small lightning charm around his book. He swung his wand and the room went pitch black.

"Can I lean on you?" Harry whispered.

"Can I stop you?" Severus muttered but the amusement in his voice was evident.

Harry pulled the blanket tight around him and leaned on Severus' shoulder. He liked the way the older man smelled and he snuggled closer to him. For once he felt safe. It didn't take long until he fell asleep.

Some time later, Severus found himself running his hand through Harry's hair.


	7. Part 7

_Hello! I'm so sorry for not updating earlier, but I've been really busy lately._

_Please review_

_xxx_

"Potter, wake up!" Severus hissed and shook the boy's shoulder gently.

Harry slowly sat up straight and rubbed his eyes.

"You ought to be in your room." The older wizard muttered.

"Have I leaned on you the entire night?" Harry blushed. "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not." The man sneered.

The boy's cheeks turned into a dark shade of red.

"What's time?" Harry asked and straightened his robes.

"Half past seven."

"Err…are you not angry at me 'cause I stayed in your room and because I err… kissed you?"

"If I were, you would have known it by now, Mr Potter." Severus replied as a matter of fact.

Harry exhaled deeply.

"Uh…professor, would you mind calling me Harry when we're in private?"

"No, I would not."

"Merry Christmas, by the way." Harry smiled.

"Thank you. Merry Christmas to _you_." Severus did not smile, but he did not scowl either. "Please leave now, I will see you later." The older wizard urged.

"Okay, okay, I'll leave. See you later then."

Severus only nodded and watched the boy leave.

Christmas day went by as any other day, except for the big dinner Mrs Weasley had prepared. Professor Dumbledore joined them just before dinner and was all joyful as usual.

Everyone had exchanged gifts by now and Harry was satisfied with all his gifts.

When the dinner was finished, everyone was sitting in the living room, chatting lightly. Severus lurked in a dark corner, as he used to do. Harry shot him anxious glances from time to time, only to earn a couple of stern glances in return.

At nine, Harry decided that he had had enough. He was sick of all Christmas joy, as he felt it separated him from the others. After bidding everyone good night, he went up to his room, not noticing the pair of dark eyes that followed him as he walked out of the room.

Harry didn't bother to switch on the lights in his room; he just sank down on the floor, leaning on the wall hugging his knees. His head fell down on his knees and he didn't notice when a certain professor entered the room.

"Get up, Potter." Severus snapped.

"Why?" Harry muttered and tilted his head back so he could look his professor in his eyes.

"Don't even try to drag me into your self-pity." The older man warned.

"What do you know? Leave me alone, will you?" He said impatiently.

"No. I believe we need to talk." The teacher said coldly.

Severus put a silencing charm over the room and locked the door. He walked towards Harry and offered his hand.

"Sit down." He gestured at the sofa and sat down next to Harry. "What's up with you, boy?"

"Nothing, it's…" Harry began but stopped when he saw the glance Severus shot him. "Oh for fuck's sake. I can't stand this."

"Tell me." Severus ordered.

Harry pulled up his knees and hugged them tightly. "It's just…It doesn't work anymore. I'm sick of it."

"I noticed you didn't eat anything at all." Severus put an arm around Harry's waist and touched him gently.

"You see. I'm still not normal. I will never be normal and I'm sick of not being normal."

"What, pray tell, is normal to you?" The older man snorted.

"I would like to be able to eat without any problems. I hate being this thin. I disgust myself. And I…well I want someone to care." Harry said sadly.

"And the reason you are not able to eat is?"

"Food is disgusting. I know I'm going to throw up later anyway." He looked away.

"You never told me you did. That is why you're still thin." The man stated.

"I know." Harry admitted.

"Something more occurred this past summer, am I right?" Severus asked carefully.

"I w…you're right." The boy tried to pull away but Severus held him in a firm grip.

"Tell me." Severus commanded.

"Can I ask you something personal then?"

"This is not about me, Harry, it's about you." He warned. "Tell me."

"I… this is hard. I, well I told you that he…that he raped me. What I didn't tell you is that… uh I…" Harry blushed fiercely. "His friends were there too. They all…had a go. I was throwing up and it was…I just..." His entire body was shaking. "I just wanted to die."

Severus looked at the boy blankly.

"Do you still want to die?" He asked the boy in a low voice.

"And yesterday morning, when we got here through London, I saw one of the men. I…I was so scared. So scared…" He whispered. "I don't know what to do."

Severus quickly decided that words were too weak for what he wanted to say. Instead he pulled Harry close to himself. He felt the boy tense a bit, but he then relaxed as he felt Severus' gentle touch.

Normally, the man would have avoided any physical contact but it was different with Harry. Slowly he let go of the boy, but allowed him to lean on his shoulder.

"I am sorry, Harry. I really am. I just wished you had told someone." He squeezed Harry's shoulder reassuringly. "I will order some food for you, would you like something special?"

"Anything will do." Harry replied expressionlessly.

Severus called for a house elf and ordered dinner for Harry. When the food arrived, Harry only stared at it. He tried to put a small piece of meat into his mouth but his hand stopped halfway.

"You don't want me to force-feed you, do you?" Severus teased. To his pleasure, Harry mumbled a no and began eating.

One and a half hour later later, Harry had eaten most of the food on the plate. Severus was satisfied and cleaned the table.

"You should go to sleep now." The older wizard scooped Harry up and carried him to his bed where he tucked him in.

"Will you stay?" Harry whispered weakly.

"If you want me to. Go to sleep now." Severus said and sat down in the couch.

Little did they know what was going to happen in a few hours.


	8. Part 8

_Hey Guys! Thank you all for the reviews, there were lots this time, I'm so grateful… ) I didn't really enjoy writing this part, and I'm not sure what you're gonna think of it. _

_Oh by the way, there's a sentence of lyrics somewhere in the next, tell me if you find it ;) I just love that sentence, and the song it is from. _

_xxx_

All of a sudden there was a load bang downstairs. Severus immediately awoke and listened carefully. He heard people ascending the staircase, and he could tell there were at least three of them. Quickly he cast a few silent locking spells on the door. Then, as quietly as possible, he approached Harry and woke him up. He gestured to the boy to be quiet.

"You stay here. I'll go to Albus' room and see what's going on. Stay quiet." He squeezed the boy's shoulder gently and then disappeared with a pop.

"Severus." Albus said. "We thought you had been called when we couldn't find you. Thank Merlin you're here."

Severus only nodded and looked around the room.

"Why is it that everyone is here, except Mr Potter?" He asked sternly.

"Everyone ran up here the second they awoke. Remus tried to get Harry on his way here but he found that his door was locked with at least five strong locking spells. He did not have the time to undo all of them." Albus took a deep breath. "We do not know who is down there, but I have reason to believe that the intruders are death eaters."   
"Lucius Malfoy. He has wanted to do this for years now. I will go get Mr Potter and take him to my house in Scotland. It's the safest place. Albus, find me the moment this is cleared up." Severus decided and vanished once again, but this time to Harry.

"Potter, do you know how to apparate?" The potions master asked impatiently.

They could here load knocks on the door.

"Yes, but only short distances." Harry replied quickly.

"Fine. Take my arm and I will tandem apparate us. Focus on the image I will send you. On three we will apparate. One. Two. Three."

Mere seconds later they arrived in a small garden. Severus quickly ushered Harry into the house, after pressing his hand on the door a few seconds.

"Is this your home?" Harry yawned, as he had only slept a few hours.

"Yes. It isn't here I stay during the holidays though. I prefer my house in Oxfordshire."

"Have you got like lots of houses?"

"Well, my family left me some money. You see the manor over there?" Severus pointed at a large house a few yards away from his house.

"Yes. It's huge." Harry was a bit overwhelmed.

"It has belonged to my family for centuries. I don't fancy living alone in such a big mansion; hence I sold it and kept this house, which used to belong to the gardener. It's the same with the house in Oxfordshire. I kept the gardener's house there as well. I prefer it this way. I also inherited a house in France, an apartment in New York and a farm in Italy."

"Whoa." Harry smiled a little.

"Indeed." Severus said sarcastically. "Care for some coffee?"

"Well, then I won't be able to sleep."

"I know. Albus will arrive soon, I expect."

"Then yes, I would like some coffee." Harry smiled shyly.

Severus turned on his heels and walked through a door behind him. He motioned for Harry to follow him and the boy obliged. They entered a cosy room which was decorated in light colours, much to Harry's surprise. Severus sat down in a large chair and transfigured two cups of coffee on the small table between the chairs.

"I think there is something we ought to discuss." The teacher took a large sip of coffee.

"What?" Harry immediately got tense.

"I know this is an unpleasant topic indeed, but you need to put it behind you. I think it would be best for you to tell me what happened the day your uncle and his friends…abused you. I notice it is still paining you and that is understandable but if you want to recover fully, you need to talk about it. If you want to, you could talk to a therapist instead." He explained.

Harry sipped on his coffee quietly for a while before he answered. "I don't wanna talk to a bloody therapist. If you want me to tell you, I will, but it will be on my terms. You may not interrupt and I can cease telling the story anytime _I_ like." His voice was trembling and he grabbed the arm rests which caused his fists to whiten.

"Of course." Severus nodded.

"Well…err… It started off as any normal day. My aunt woke me up at 7 and I got up and made breakfast for them. Then I cleaned the kitchen. After that I cleaned the living room. Then I cooked lunch. Uhh… In the afternoon I cut the lawn. Umm…I recall Petunia giving me some soup and a piece of bread. I guess I ate and then I cleaned one of the bathrooms. Then I cooked dinner…umm when my Uncle got home he had brought a couple of friends, which was highly unusual as he never brought home any friends without forewarning us… They had dinner and I was upstairs in my room, trying to get some rest. When Vernon had friends over, he got drunk which meant that he would…well… get abusive. After dinner they all came up to my room." Harry squeezed the arm rests even tighter. "They were three or four, my uncle included. I heard Vernon say something about "pleasure" before he stormed my room and punched me. My eyes went black for a few seconds, while Vernon put a piece of fabric for my eyes so I couldn't see. I was so…so scared." Harry whispered.

Severus just looked at him and frowned. He certainly did not like what he was told. In fact, he wished he could just undo the entire occurrence.

"The next second all my clothes were ripped off. I could hear Vernon and his friends laugh. Well …fuck it. They touched me everywhere and forced me to give them…to give them blow jobs." Harry's voice was a mere whisper. "I threw up and someone slapped my stomach which caused me to lose my breath for a few seconds… Well… umm… then they…uh…they all had a go with me. That's all I'm gonna tell you." The boy was shaking and he hugged his knees, burying his face in them.

"Harry?" Severus asked. "Harry, listen to me. Look at me."

Slowly the boy lifted his head and looked at Severus.

"I am glad you told me. Harry look at me again." Severus urged. "Do you want to die?"

"No." Harry snapped. "I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to. If I die, I'll just disappoint you and I won't be able to rescue the entire wizarding world. I wouldn't want that on my conscience." Harry muttered dryly.

"Damn it, Harry." Severus snorted. "Come here." He held his arms open, waiting for Harry.

The boy took a few careful steps across the floor and embraced Severus. He hung on to Severus as though he was his lifeline.

"Guess what? It actually feels good, having told you." Harry smiled weakly.

"Indeed." Severus let go of the boy slowly. "You should go to bed now. You can take the room over there." He said and pointed at a door in the other side of the room.

"I suppose so. Good night." Harry carefully caressed Severus' cheek quickly before hading towards the bedroom.

It was as though this was becoming a habit now, Harry leaving behind a confused Severus.


	9. Part 9

Thank you so much for the reviews everyone! They make me keep writing…

ElizabethMarieRose: You're so right, they're from the Robbie Williams song. I love his music, he's got an awesome voice.. Have you seen him live? Perhaps I will this summer, can't wait….

AisLinnNicole1: Thanks so much for writing such a long review! I'm not sure if they're gonna stay at Severus' house all break, I mean it would be so predictable… well, you'll see 

Please keep reviewing everyone! And if you've got any suggestions/wishes of what might happen, tell me!

xxxx

A couple of hours later, Albus Dumbledore was knocking on the door. Severus knew it was him, as they had a special knock. He opened the door and let Albus in.

"How are things?" Severus asked and sat down in a chair.

"Everyone will be fine. Remus has taken them all back to Hogwarts. We captured the death eaters, there were three of them. Lucius Malfoy and surprisingly two unknown death eaters. They are now taken care of by the ministry. I still do not know how they found our headquarters. How come you did not know of this? It was to my belief that you knew Lucius rather well." Albus explained after joining Severus in the living room.

"Indeed. They have been getting suspicious lately. They do not trust me in the way they used to. I attended Lucius' Christmas feast the day before yesterday and he did not mention this. The next meeting should be in a week and I should be able to gather some information then."

"I do not want you to go back if we are not sure they trust you."

"But you don't have anyone else as close to the Dark Lord, do you?" Severus objected.

"You are right, but still I want you to be safe." The headmaster said in a caring voice.

"I will go to the meeting, if I feel that I am not safe, I will portkey back."

"I can not stop you, can I?" Albus said dejectedly.

"No."

"I would like you and Harry to stay here for at least two days. I will contact you then. I brought some of Harry's clothes. I have to leave now. Take care, Severus."

"Good night." Severus nodded curtly and watched the headmaster disappear.

"Potter, wake up!" Severus shouted as he knocked on Harry's door.

"I'm already awake." The boy smiled as he opened the door. "Was Albus here?"

"Yes, a few hours ago. He said that we are to stay here for at least two days." The man replied. "Time is already eight, would you like some breakfast?" He asked.

"I don't…" Harry began but he was interrupted by Severus.

"Let me be more specific. What would you like for breakfast?"

"Umm…well, toast would be just fine."

"Very well. I will go make breakfast."

"Do you want me to help?" Harry offered.

"No, although you may keep me company if you wish." Severus snapped and left the room.

"Do you like cooking?" Harry asked as he sat down on a stool next to the kitchen table.

"Quite. I do not dislike it, nor do I enjoy it." Severus replied as a matter of fact.

"I see. Just tell me if you want any help, as I'm rather used to cooking."

"Thank you, but I am very much capable of it myself." The teacher said softly.

"You know I didn't mean it like that." Harry protested.

"Indeed, but I think you could do with a few days of rest."

"I suppose."

"Here you are." Severus placed a plate with toasted bread in front of Harry. "Would you like butter and marmalade?"

"Just butter, please." Harry answered and sipped on his tea. "You know, I don't understand why my dad and Sirius hated you so much." He said after a while.

"I do." Severus had prepared himself for this discussion. "Your father was one of those kinds of people that are very loyal to their friends, but also very mean to their enemies. He did not like me from the beginning, mostly because I am a Slytherin but also because of the fact that I did not have any friends, which made me an easy target. Your mother was different though, she did not have any prejudices." He said calmly.

"I'm just… I'm just so ashamed of my dad." Harry murmured. "I just can't see why he had to do those things to you."

"I have got over it, really, Harry." Severus said soothingly. "However, it is not your fault and no one blames his actions on you." He looked at Harry and added. "Harry, eat."

Reluctantly and slowly Harry ate a small piece of bread.

"Harry I need you to promise me not to throw up again. I will be very disappointed in you if you break that promise." The teacher said seriously.

"I will try, okay?" After meeting Severus' eyes, he added: "Fine, I promise I'll try. Satisfied?"

"Never." Severus chuckled slightly.

"I should have known."

"Indeed." He said. "What do you want to do today?"

"Anything. You decide."

"What do you like to do?" Severus asked patiently.

"I…well I suppose it would be nice to just relax." Harry shrugged.

"Specify yourself."

"Oh, I don't know…"

"Very well then." He said. "Have you finished eating?" He looked questioningly at Harry's half eaten toast.

"Yes, I'm full."

"I see." Severus said doubtingly. He waved his wand and the table was cleaned. "Follow me." They exited the kitchen.

"You see the door over there?" The teacher asked.

Harry nodded.

"It is the bathroom. Go take a hot bath and I will give you massage when you are done. I will wait for you here. There are clean towels and bathrobes in the bathroom." He explained.

"Okay, thanks." Harry smiled and walked towards the bathroom.

"Harry? Don't throw up." Severus muttered after him.

Three quarters later, Harry returned from the bathroom, wearing nothing but a pair of tight boxer shorts and a bathrobe.

"There you are." Severus acknowledged him. "Remove your bathrobe and lie down here." He ordered and pointed at the levitating mattress he had conjured.

"Err…okay." Harry blushed slightly as he removed the bathrobe.

"Harry, why are you blushing? You have got absolutely nothing to be ashamed of." Severus said certainly. "Now, lie down." He added and watched Harry oblige.

Severus placed his hands on Harry's back and felt the boy tense immediately.

"Relax. You know I am not going to hurt you." He began massaging Harry's back and arms. "If it feels uncomfortable, tell me." The man moved down a bit and massaged the boy's legs.

"It feels great, really." Harry moaned slightly, causing Severus to smile.

"Turn around." Severus commanded. He kept on massaging Harry's feet and legs. As he touched Harry's lower thighs, he noticed Harry's erection.

Harry blushed fiercely as he realized that Severus had noticed his erection.

"Are you aware that you are rather pretty when you blush?" Severus said before thinking.

"Sorry?" Harry blushed even more; his face was now in the same shade as the Weasley's hair.

"Nothing." The man did his best to keep his face expressionless and he cursed himself quietly.

"Did you just compliment me?" The boy grinned.

Severus ignored the question and moved upwards and finished off the massage with Harry's torso and shoulders.

"Get dressed." Severus snapped when he had finished the almost one hour long massage.

"Thanks, that was like the most amazing thing I've ever experienced." He murmured shyly.

"It was nothing." The man mumbled.

"Well, it wasn't nothing to me." Harry said quietly.

"Albus brought some of your clothes; I believe they are in your room." Severus said, pretending he did not hear what Harry just said.


	10. Part 10

_Hello! I'm sorry it took me so long to update. Thank you so very much for the reviews, I really appreciate them! They're what make me keep on writing. I'm not really sure about this chapter, so please let me know what you think of it. Also, I've run out of ideas for this story, so don't hesitate to tell me if you've got any good ones. _

_Please read and review!_

_xxxxx_

Only minutes later Harry returned from his bedroom, fully dressed. He found Severus in a chair, reading.

Slowly he walked up to Severus and put a hand on his shoulders.

"Hello." Harry said softly.

"Hello, indeed." The professor replied in a very characteristic voice.

Harry made a brave move and sat down in front of Severus, on the floor, leaning on his professor's legs.

"Do you mind me sitting here?" The boy murmured.

"No." Severus said curtly and put away his book.

"What would you say if I said that I still fancy you? Even more so, in fact." Harry asked.

"I would say that you are just an immature teenager." He said expressionlessly.

"What if it isn't teenage hormones?" He tried.

"Then I would say that you are being a fool." The older man said as a matter of fact.

"Damn it; just give me a chance, will you?" Harry begged.

"Harry, I could not possible take advantage of you when you are this vulnerable. I do believe that you will change your mind in a few…" He trailed off as Harry caressed his chin.

"Wow. I managed to make you speechless. I should write this moment down." Harry joked.

"I think not. Harry, you are not bloody well yet." Severus objected.

"Let me set my own limits, will you?" The boy said softly.

The professor pushed Harry away from himself and left the room.

Severus strode through the hallway and exited the house. Outside his house was a small bench where he sat down.

_Damn Albus! Damn it all! He may be recovering but what if I'm not bloody ready? I can't cope with this. Damn Albus fucking Dumbledore. _

A few minutes later Harry joined him on the bench.

"I'm sorry." Harry said apologetically.

"Don't be." The teacher muttered. "You did not do anything wrong."

Harry squinted at the sun. "I know."

Severus rose and walked into the living room where he sat down. Harry followed. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"You're tired, aren't you? Did you sleep anything at all last night?" Harry asked anxiously.

"I am just fine thank you." The teacher replied in a stern voice. "What would you like for lunch?" He asked.

"Oh, just drop it. You don't have to be all perfect just because of me. I know you must be bloody tired as you didn't sleep anything at all. Don't pretend to…" The boy muttered.

"I beg your pardon? Never assume you know how I feel." Severus hissed furiously.

"Oh, come on! I wouldn't respect you any less just because you're not on top all the time. I don't care if you've got flaws; it just makes you more human…" Harry countered. "Being tired is not the same as being weak. I think you should know that."

"Shut up." The man snapped.

"Weakness is not admitting one's weaknesses." The boy said knowingly.

"I am _not_ weak!" Severus bellowed. For a few moments he was furious with the boy. Just seconds later, he realized he had gone too far. He looked at Harry and immediately regretted his actions.

_The boy wasn't trying to mock you, Severus, _a voice in his head said.

Harry had pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them tightly, trying to protect himself. Severus could have sworn that Harry was having flashbacks in his head.

"Harry, I…I didn't mean it like that." He said regrettably. When the boy didn't respond, he walked up to him. He bent down and pulled the trembling boy tight to himself. A few long strides later, he was in Harry's room where he placed the boy on his bed. After tucking the boy in, he left the room.

A couple of hours later, Harry opened the door to his room, watching his professor reading as usual. He entered the living room and sat down next to his teacher.

Severus looked up and nodded at the boy.

"I'm sorry…for earlier. I just…well I got scared. By your load voice. And I had flashbacks…" Harry apologized.

"My fault and for that I am sorry." Severus put away his book. "Did you have a nice sleep?"

"Yes, thanks."

All of a sudden Severus found that his arm was around Harry's waist. Apparently the boy didn't seem to mind.

"Will you teach me something?" Harry put his arm around his teacher's neck and smiled.

"What precisely do you want me to teach you?" The man tensed a bit, he wasn't used to this kind of contact.

"To kiss." The boy smiled innocently.

Somehow Severus just lost himself. He had not allowed himself to do it for years but now he did. His own body was full of suppressed lust.

The kiss only lasted for a few seconds but it was enough. Enough for Severus to feel loved and enough for Harry to feel needed. Their lips exchanged dreams of hopes and wishes. The older wizard ran his hands through the boy's hair, causing him to moan.

"That…was amazing!" Harry smiled from cheek to cheek. He leaned in for another kiss but Severus put a hand on his shoulder and gently pushed the boy away.

"I think that is quite enough for today, Harry." He caressed the boy's cheek gently.

"I…I agree." The boy blushed. "Guess what? That was like the best thing that's ever happened to me but still…it was really frightening." He looked ashamed.

"Harry, it is not your fault that you were abused. It is not your fault that you react this way. Do not forget this." Severus said reassuringly. "We should get something to eat, you know."


	11. Part 11

_Hiya! Once again I'm sorry for the late update, but it seems as though the days get shorter and shorter… thanks a lot for the reviews! I know this part is very dark, but truth to be told, it's because I'm out of ideas. I do think it was good to put in a small argument though, what do you think? Comment, please! btw, in case u noticed, i changed the title, to just "Appearances"..._

_Take care xxx_

Harry awoke in the middle of the night, all sweaty. As he noticed that he would not get anymore sleep, he entered the living room where he sat down on the cold stone floor. He leaned on the wall behind him and closed his eyes. Immediately he began to have flashbacks in his mind. The feeling of being unwanted swept over him and it was then he realized that he was never going to be loved. He would always be the bloody boy who lived, no matter what he did to change that image.

How stupid he had been. The only reason his teacher had kissed him was because he had begged for it. _Begged_, how tragic. Somehow he had believed that his professor actually liked him. How silly of him to think like that. Naturally his professor had only acted out of kindness and pity.

The boy sat like that for the next three hours. It was then he decided to go back to his room. He didn't want Severus to know that he had been awake. Harry cried himself to sleep, only to wake up two hours later by a knock on the door.

A moment later Severus entered the room. Immediately he noticed Harry's swollen eyes and realized that the boy had been crying a lot. He decided to let it be for now.

"Good morning." Severus pulled away the curtains from the window.

"Morning." Harry yawned. "I'll be out in a minute, when I'm dressed."

The teacher nodded and left the room with his robes billowing after him as usual.

Some minutes later, Harry was dressed and found Severus in the kitchen. He sat down on a chair, watching in dismay how Severus prepared the breakfast.

"What would you like for breakfast?" The teacher asked.

"Pumpkin juice, please." Harry replied stiffly.

"Toast?" He offered.

"No, thank you. I'm just fine." The boy declined.

"Scrambled eggs?"

"Thanks, but no. I said I'm fine." He looked away.

"Cereals? Yoghurt? Eggs Benedict? Fruit?" The man was determined to get the boy to eat.

"Really, I don't want anything." Harry muttered.

"No need to be rude." Severus snapped.

"I wasn't being rude. I just don't want to eat anything at this time of the day."

"Fine." The fled the room, leaving behind a very confused Harry. He entered his bedroom and snapped the door shut. His mind was mixed as he looked back on their conversation. Frustrated and a bit desperate he lay down on the bed.

A few hours later there was a pop next to his bed and he jerked his eyes open. He exhaled deeply when he noticed there was no one else there except for Albus Dumbledore. Slowly he sat up and greeted the man.

"How are you, my boy? If I may say it, you look terribly exhausted." The headmaster asked.

"I am perfectly fine, thank you." Severus immediately put on his expressionless mask. "How are things at Hogwarts?"

"Just fine, son, just fine." His eyes twinkled as usual. "I trust Harry is well?"

"Indeed he is." The teacher lied bluntly.

"Where is he, now?"

"I believe he is in his room, reading." He said nonchalantly. Truth to be told, he had no idea where Harry was, although he was quite confident the boy was in his room.

"Good. I have to be off soon, I just came to tell you that I expect you back at Hogwarts tomorrow. Oh, and, I would love to have a nice cup of coffee with you tomorrow night. I believe we have quite a few things to discuss." The headmaster said softly.

"Of course, Sir."

"That would be all then. Take care of yourself, Severus." A moment later he was gone.

"Damn that man…" Severus cursed. The man always made him feel like such a fool.

He decided that he needed to check on Harry. After all, he was supposed to take care of the boy. It was not as though he cared for him. Definitely not, he decided.

When he did not find the boy in his room, the kitchen or the living room, he began to get worried. He knocked on the door to the bathroom, hoping to get a reply.

"Don't come in." Harry shouted.

"What are you doing?" Severus called back.

"I'm just…I'm taking a bath." The boy said.

A loud bounce a few seconds later betrayed what he had just said. Severus decided that it was time for him to enter. The view that met his eyes was horrible.

Harry was sitting on the floor, leaning on the wall. His chest was bare as he had removed his shirt. In his right hand he held a small knife. Small drops of blood dropped from his left arm. Severus could tell he had cut himself at least two times. What he could also tell, was that it was the first time Harry cut himself. You could see the fear in his eyes and his hands were trembling. The boy sobbed heavily.

"Merlin…" Severus mumbled as he hurried towards the boy. He whispered a few words and the cuts disappeared. Another flick with his wand, and all the blood was gone. The teacher roughly pulled the boy up from the floor and put a bathrobe around his shoulders.

"Come." The man ordered and took the knife from the boy in front of him.

They sat down in the living room, opposite each other. Severus looked sternly at the boy.

"I really do hope this will be our last conversation concerning this topic." The man began. "I can not believe you did it. I thought you were feeling better. What a fool I was." Severus made the disappointment in his voice as evident as possible.

"I'm sorry. I really am. It was… I'll never do it again. I promise." Harry said regrettably.

"What have you done to earn my trust?" He left the question hanging in the air. "It hurt more than you had expected, didn't it? You had force yourself to cut a second time, am I right?"

"Yes…" Harry's voice was trembling.

"Why did you do it? Did you think it would make you feel better? Fool." He said harshly.

"I…" The boy began but was interrupted.

"Do you know why? It is because you are not miserable enough. You still have a small amount of people that care deeply for you. When I cut myself for the first time, there was no one there to rescue me. Not a single bloody person. I was so fucking alone and everyone knew it. I did not feel the pain, because I was already in so much pain. I wanted to die. I even attempted to." Severus said dryly.

Harry crept into a shell and tried to mask his feelings. He certainly didn't want his teacher to know that he was scared.

"The thing is, no one felt hurt, because no one cared for me. There are people that care for you and feel hurt because you act like you do. They are hurt because you act like you do not want to live. Like they don't mean a bloody thing to you." The man still maintained his expressionless mask. "I know you were up crying all night, I could tell the second I saw you this morning. Then you say you don't want any food. Yet, I told Albus that you are perfectly fine. What is even worse is that he believed me. Stop acting like no one cares, Potter, because there are people that care. Albus, Mr Weasley, Miss Granger, Miss Weasley, Mrs Weasley, to name a few. Yet, you refuse to eat. Take a look at yourself, for God's sake! Do you like what you see?" He took a deep breath. "If you break down, you will only make your Uncle think he was right. Don't let him destroy you this easily. Show him that you are stronger. You are stronger than him, you know you are. Then why are you letting them get to you this easily?" Severus looked sadly at the boy.

"Why can't you just accept it like everyone else? Why can't you let me eat as much as I want? Why can't you just let me be?" Harry said dejectedly.

"Because I care, Potter, in case you had not noticed, I do actually care." The man said in a low voice.

"I'm so sorry. I really am. I don't know what else to say…" Harry mumbled.

"I know you are." Severus said softly. "I am sorry for what I said, but I was so angry. Angry at myself for not taking better care of you." He admitted.

"Don't be."

"The headmaster was here. He expects us back at Hogwarts tomorrow."

"Okay." Harry shrugged.


	12. Update

Hello there!

As always, thank you so much for the reviews! They really keep me going.

I'm terribly sorry I haven't updated for so long, but the reason is that one of my computer's two hardiscs broke down and naturally I had to fix it. My computer hasn't been at home for the last two weeks. Unfortunately I don't know when I will get it back... hopefully soon! If I don't get it back before next Wednesday, there will be no update for quite a long time. I will be going away for the summer, to my countryhouse but also to France and England.. can't wait ;)

Hope you all havefab summer!

Thanks for your patience,

xxxxx


	13. Part 12

_Hi there! I'm sorry for this very late update. Unfortunately it will be long until next chapter as well… _

_Thank you so much for the reviews everyone! Hope you're all having a great summer!_

_**Barbarataku:** Thanks for those compliments! smiling_

_**That-Fresh-Rain-Smell**: Thanks, and have a fab summer! So nice of you to offer to be my beta.. the problem is that these days I'm only at home for one day at a time, and therefore if I would send the chapter to someone instead of posting it directly, it would probably be delayed for 3 weeks (at least this chapter)… If youre still interested in being my beta after the summer I would be terribly grateful, and I could contact you then…and yes, ive read light on the dark side of me, and I love it, but thanks anyway for telling me about it! Oh I'd love fanart of harry n snape… ill send you an e-mail!_

_**Alex Wheaton**: Omg, thank you so much for those reviews. Also many thanks for the suggestions… I'll consider them! Have a nice summer!_

"Are you ready?" Severus called into Harry's room.

"Yeah." Harry exited the room with a small bag on his shoulder.

Severus sat down on the sofa and motioned for Harry to do the same.

"I have a meeting with the headmaster tonight. He will most surely ask me about your summer. If I have your permission, I will tell you what occurred. I could refrain from telling him about yesterday's occurrence if you want me to."

"I guess that's okay. Please don't tell him any details though." Harry said slowly.

"Agreed. Also, I must ask you to prepare yourself for witnessing against your uncle. It is most probable that we will go to court with this. I know that you are not comfortable with this, and that I respect. However, I am of the opinion that men like your uncle deserve to go to prison. Who knows what he might do to other children?" The professor said carefully.

"I…understand. It's…embarrassing though. Well, we can talk about this later, right?"

"Of course." Severus said reassuringly.

-----

As Severus entered the headmaster's office that same evening, he found that things were as they always had been. Albus would always be the superior one, despite how much Severus tried to change that. In spite of these tries, he knew he cared deeply for the old man, though he would never admit it to him.

The office was full of light, as always. The old man sat behind his desk, his eyes twinkling behind his glasses.

"Good evening, Severus. How are you?" Albus said cheerily.

Severus took his usual seat in front of the headmaster.

"Albus." He nodded. "I am fine, thank you."

"Lemon drop? Tea?" The headmaster offered.

The younger man shook his head.

"Coffee then? Black as usual?"

"Yes, please."

"Very well." He sipped on his tea. "I have noticed Harry has faith in you. Well done, son. I do believe he has told you what happened to him during the summer, am I right?"

"Yes, indeed he has." Severus tried to relax in the uncomfortable chair.

"Will you tell me?" Albus asked curiously.

"If you want me to. I specifically asked for his permission to tell you." He inhaled deeply. "He was neglected, Albus. Abused. Beaten. Neglected. Whatever you wish to call it. He wasn't fed properly, mostly once a day. Also, he was beaten on a regular basis. No wonder he wasn't able to walk properly. The last day of the summer holidays, he was raped. By his uncle and his friends." Severus spat out the words. "The boy was devastated, Albus, devastated!"

"I can't put in words how sorry I am." The headmaster said regrettably.

"I wish to sue him. You know how I feel about child abuse." He said bitterly.

"I do." The old man seemed to replay a memory inside his head.

"He also suffers from eating disorders."

"I am glad he told you. He needs to have faith in someone. You seem rather protective of him, Severus. I would even dare to say that you are fond of him. I am proud of you, Severus." He smiled at the younger man.

The potions professor remained quiet.

"I will take care of the court details. Please prepare Harry for it, as I gather he is not very happy about it."  
"Excellent."

"I wanted discuss another matter with you. I wish for you to stop working as a spy for us."

"But I can still be of use, I could…" Severus objected loudly.

"It is not a request, Severus, it is an order." Albus said firmly.

"I see." He replied coldly. "Is there anything else you wish to discuss with me?" That was simply another way of putting 'am I free to leave now'.

"How I wish you would not take it like that. The reason I wish you to stop spying is that I care too deeply for you. I don't want to put you in that kind of danger because I care about you, son. I was hoping you would understand."

Severus could not help but feel used. "Are you insinuating that I was worth nothing until now? The only reason I am worth your care now is because I am taking care of Mr Potter, isn't that so? What a fool you've made out of me." He muttered bitterly.

"Severus, you know I didn't mean it like that." Albus sounded dejected.

"I know nothing of you. I will leave for a few days. Don't try to find me. After all, I am on holidays. Though that doesn't exactly mean that I am free to leave when I wish, does it? You have had me in an iron grip and you know it, Albus. I have just been too blind to notice how you have been using it." Severus said sarcastically. "If Mr Potter wishes to accompany me, I will have no objections, whatsoever. Don't expect us back before New Year's. I will do as I am told; I won't attend any meetings. That will be all, I suppose." He rose dramatically and left the room.

-----

Severus was not surprised at finding Harry in his quarters. The boy was sitting on the floor, leaning at the wall.

"Harry." He acknowledged the boy. "I am off to London for a few days. If you wish you may join me. The headmaster has no objections." The professor had to make a real effort to make sure his voice remained calm.

"I would love to. I've never actually been to central London, except for King's Cross and the Leaky Cauldron." Harry beamed but his smile faded when he looked at his professor. He could tell Severus was upset, by looking at his face.

"Very well. Come down here when you have packed. Don't be long." Severus said shortly and watched the boy leave.

-----

It did not take long until Harry returned to the dungeons, holding a small bag in his hands. Just when Harry sat down in the couch to wait for Severus, said man entered the room.

"Is that all you need for three days?" The professor raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Um…well, you see, I haven't got that much clothes that fit me. The only clothes I have are the ones that I have inherited from my cousin. And he's, well, he's five sizes bigger than me. These are the only clothes that I would wear in public." Harry gestured at his clothes.

"Then we have some shopping to do tomorrow. Right now I think we should concentrate on getting to the hotel." Severus' lips curled into a tiny smile.

"Which hotel? Where in London is it?" The boy said excitedly.

"It is called Duke's hotel and is located in Mayfair, St James' Place. I have been a regular customer there for the last ten years. Sometimes I sleep there during weekends. There is a wizard who is working there who has permitted me to have a portkey that goes directly to Duke's. That is how we will go there tonight. I wrote my friend a letter about our arrival."

"Why is a wizard working at a muggle hotel? Or is it a wizard hotel? Cool!"

"No, it is a muggle hotel. My friend decided, ten years ago that he wanted to do something different. Therefore he decided to work in the muggle world."


	14. Part 13

_Hey there summer ppl! _

_I'm so grateful for ure reviews, thanks a lot! Once again sorry for the late update, bet ure used to it now, right? I hope this part is to your satisfactory, I'm especially content with the second half of it… please give me your opinions of it..!_

_Thanks a lot, xxx _

A tall man in his mid-thirties smiled at them as they arrived at Duke's.

"Severus!" The man walked up to Severus and they hugged each other quickly. "Long time no see. I almost thought you'd forgotten about me."

"David, I could never... I have just been busy." Severus smiled widely.

It was then Harry realized that he didn't know Severus at all. His professor was not nearly as comfortable around him as he was around this man.

"David, this is Harry Potter, a…close friend of mine. Harry, this is my friend David Holmes."

Harry smiled internally at the referring of himself.

"Nice to meet you." Harry and David said in chorus, while shaking hands.

"David, I think it would be best if we got our room now and then we could have some tea tomorrow if you are not working?" Severus asked.

"Of course. What kind of room would you like? We don't have that many guests these days so you can choose between all kinds of rooms." David offered.

"I think my normal suite would be fine." The professor replied.

"Very well. Would you like one or two bedrooms?"

"I think…" Severus began.

"One will do." Harry interrupted.

Severus glanced at the boy for any sign of insecurity but he found none.

"I'll give you your usual suite, Severus. Would you like me to show the way?"

"Thank you, David. I am sorry we awoke you at this late hour. If you give me the key, I am sure I can find the way." Severus said nicely.

"Good night then, Severus, Harry." David handed over the key.

"Good night and thank you."

-----

Harry was stunned at the room he entered. He had never seen anything like this before, as this was his first time at a hotel.

"I take it you like the room." Severus said.

"It's amazing." Harry said honestly. He sank down on the cream coloured sofa and exhaled.

Severus walked gracefully through the room, put his cloak on a hanger and then sat down in a big deep green chair.

"What did the headmaster say? It's obvious he said something that upset you." The boy asked carefully. He was not sure the man wouldn't snap at him for asking that.

The Slytherin thought a minute before answering. "He wants me to quit spying."  
"What's so bad about that? Then you don't have to be put under the Cruciatus curse anymore, you won't have to…"

"That's not what it is about, Harry." Severus interrupted. "The headmaster told me the reason he wants me to quit is because he cares too much for me, which is rubbish. The real reason is that he wants to keep me safe so I can protect you. He practically told me I was worth nothing until now." He muttered.

Harry remained quiet for some time, thinking.

"And no, it is not your fault. This is something between Albus and me. It has been going on for years, but now I have had enough of it. He knows I owe him my life and therefore he thinks he has the right to use me as his own butler."

"I get it." He was quiet for some time. "You've known David for some time, haven't you?"

"Yes, why?" Severus replied defensively.

"You're a couple, aren't you?" Harry blurted out.

"Harry, why are you asking this?" He said slowly.

"Because I fancy you." The boy blushed fiercely.

"Harry, David and I are not a couple. We were, many years ago, but it did not last long. The reason we broke up is that David was unfaithful many times. However, he told me and apologized. We are still good friends though." Severus explained patiently.

Harry opened his mouth to say something but Severus put up a hand to stop him.

"No, Harry. That is not why I rejected you when you came down to my quarters that late night some time ago. The reason is that I was not ready. I may seem entirely composed, but I sure as hell am not." His lips curled into a small smile.

"I understand. May I ask if you have had many relationships?"

"I have had quite a few relationships, though none of them has lasted for more than a year. And before you ask, yes, they have all been with men."

"Uh-huh."

"Really, Harry, I believed you capable of speaking words." Severus said sarcastically. He looked at his watch. "It's late; you ought to be in bed."

"Don't treat me like the child you know I'm not." Harry's voice was serious.

"We should go to bed, both of us. I will sleep on the couch and you will sleep in the bedroom." The professor said tonelessly.

"Really, why did you think I told David we only needed one bedroom? Because I wanted you to sleep on the couch? Hell no! I want to sleep next to you, and I don't take no as an answer."

Harry looked extremely determined and sure of himself.

"Very well." Severus tried to mask the insecurity he felt. "The bathroom is over there," He gestured towards a door on the other side of the room. "And the bedroom is there."

-----

Half an hour later, Severus was lying in the double bed feeling rather comfortable. This was not his first time in this bed; he always had this room. It was his favourite suite; therefore he had arranged that he would have the suite ready for him at all times. In return he paid a large fine each year. Despite the large amount of time he had spent in the room, he had never shared the bed with anyone. When he came to think of it, he hadn't shared a bed with someone for many years.

Severus heard the sound of an opening door and turned his head to the door.

A very shy Harry Potter entered the bedroom, wearing nothing but a pair of tight boxers. The boy looked at the teacher hesitantly and then walked towards the bed.

"Don't be pathetic, Potter! Surely you must have slept in the same bed as someone before?" Severus drawled, trying to ease his own discomfort.

"As a matter of fact, no." Harry admitted as he entered the bed.

The professor switched the lights off with a flick of his wand. He knew he wouldn't get a lot of sleep but at least he would be able to get some rest. The insomnia he had suffered from during the last decennium had grown worse during the last year. He turned to the side, so that his face faced Harry.

Suddenly he felt something warm touch his wrist. The boy then held Severus' hand in a loose grip. Severus was astonished that it felt so good. It felt strange that Harry's hand infused feelings of safeness in him.

"You don't mind, do you?" Harry whispered confidently.

"No." The man murmured.

Severus then realized he wanted more. He let go of Harry's hand and then pulled the boy towards himself. His arms encircled the boy and he pulled the boy's back closer to his own torso. Now Harry's back of the neck was only a few inches from his face. A couple of seconds later, he felt the boy relax into his arms. He caressed the boy's chest gently, knowing he sent shivers along the Gryffindor's back.

"Like it?"

"Very much." Harry confessed.

The professor placed a soft kiss on Harry's back of the neck. "Goodnight."

"Sleep well." The boy replied silently.


End file.
